Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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