so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
