he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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