Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
