The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
