plz talk dirty to me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
