Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
