Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
