I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
