Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
