Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
