My room smells like vodka and shame
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Boobs speak an international language.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
