There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
