so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
