Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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