Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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