Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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