Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
