Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
