If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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