shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
