I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
