I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
COCAINE IS GR8
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
