who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
