he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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