Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
