you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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