Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
