So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
