I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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