Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
