you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
