Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
