I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Im part way to drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
