I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
