Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
