i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
