no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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