The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
