I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
