Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
