I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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