You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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