I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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