He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
