I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
