Need sex. Gaining weight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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