please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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