someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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