you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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